Honest Trailers - Total Drama
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: With a new season brewing, here is an honest and farcical take of the entire series, plus the spin-off.


From the channel with an overabundance of cartoons that Boomerang would fill up on the early morning slate (Teletoon), and the country that supports it for some reason comes their attempt to parody reality television, which is kind of amazing now you think about it, with the talking head interviews and all. _**Total Drama**_ **.**

Experience Fresh TV's attempt to pay homage to _Survivor_ , _The Amazing Race_ and _The Bachelor_? and make a sanitized, no-cussing, general patronage, kid-friendly version of those stuff, minus the fun, the intensity, the stakes and the realism that this show was able to pull off? (Wow. I mean you had Dr. Evil as one of your contestants, and you managed to make this look real. That's something.)

Watch as Canadian teenagers participate on death-defying challenges, guided by celebrity host Chris McLean, who looks like your local tour guide but may turn out to be a sadistic serial killer, and he is really not hiding it with his evil laugh, manipulation, killer looks and sudden breakdowns. Together, with his equally sadistic chef named…Chef, they will place all these 14-20 year-old teenagers who look like young professional millennials on torture challenges none can ever escape. (Seriously guys, you enjoy watching these? You just like entertainment of kids putting their lives in danger just for $1M grant of Canadian dollars. Not sure if that is worth it.)

Binge-watch all the six seasons of this show, plus a spin-off, that will surely fill up your flash disk, together with downloads from _13 Reasons Why_ and other random anime, featuring the one that started it all on the island ( _Island_ ), the one where they raided a Universal Studios set for some reason ( _Action_ ), the one where they combined _The Amazing Race_ and _Survivor_ with _La La Land_ and _Hamilton_ musical numbers ( _World Tour_ ), the one where they ditched the original contestants in favor of new ones to be placed on a radioactive island ( _Revenge of the Island_ ), the one where they brought back the favorites and turned them all terrible ( _All-Stars_ ), the one where they stayed at a new island called Pahkeetaw? Pahikitew? Pahhkichu? Pakyutew? ( _Pahkitew Island_ ), and the one where they go straight _Amazing Race_ , add four characters from the previous seasons and added a new host ( _The Ridonculous Race_ ). (That's a stretch.)

Hold on to your butts and brace every challenge that these teens will do, in favor of ditching friendships, alliances, promises and romances that every fan would be gushing over. And try to think hard on who is your favorite because there are loads of them who you would either date, marry or kill. And you would most likely do the latter.

So strap in for this long-serving series that the writers have creative freedom to choose the winner and the losers, and learn valuable lessons that every teenager should know: when money is at stake, do everything this host tells you to do, always demand to be famous and you are not too young to do daredevil stunts, or make out in front of national television. (Seriously, why are they not censoring these footages? That's it, I'm not making my kid watch _Total Drama_. That goes for you too, _Peppa Pig_.)

Starring:

Phil Killman (Chris McLean)

Isaac Hayes (Chef)

And all of the contestants because we're going to do them all like _Pokémon_ :

Barb (Beth)

Soul Sucking Surfer (Bridgette)

Michael Cera (Cody)

Karen Filippelli (Courtney)

Soul Trained (DJ)

Eminem (Duncan)

Guns (Eva)

Edward Furlong (Ezekiel)

Florida Geoff Line (Geoff)

Sam Manson (Gwen)

Napoleon Dynamite (Harold)

"All my friends hate Heather, take it slow" (Heather)

The Ape Woman (Izzy)

Taylor Lautner, when he didn't make _Grown Ups 2_ (Justin)

Sophia Grace and Rosie (Katie and Sadie)

Mo'Nique (Leshawna)

The Dumb Mean Girl (Lindsay)

Aziz Ansari (Noah)

Rob Ford (Owen)

Trent Lane (Trent)

Jazzercise (Tyler)

Al Pacino (Alejandro)

Every Tumblr user ever (Sierra)

Blame Me (Blaineley)

Snooki Wannabe, please no! (Anne Maria)

B-Boy (B)

Fool Metal Jughead (Brick)

"Did I do that?" (Cameron)

Dakota Fanning (Dakota)

Luna Lovegood (Dawn)

Jo Lynch (Jo)

Hingle McCringleberry (Lightning)

Split (Mike)

The guy who played games with Paul Rudd (Sam)

Dan Vs. (Scott)

Fat Shame…less Liar (Staci)

You Don't Mess with the Zoey (Zoey)

Hellcats (Amy and Samey)

The Actual Star of Pahkitew Island (Beardo)

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" (Dave)

Mirrored Mirrored (Ella)

An Aborigine in a Canadian show? Wow (Jasmine)

Leonard Lame-oy (Leonard)

Fearful Leader (Max)

Wreck-It Rodney (Rodney)

An actual librarian (Scarlett)

Sky's the limit (Sky)

A _Walking Dead_ Extra (Shawn)

Rubbish Wilson (Sugar)

That 70's Rip-off (Topher)

Brunnhilde (Tammy)

Horace & Pete (Gerry & Pete)

Amy and Bernadette from _The Big Bang Theory_ (Mary & Ellody)

Hippies (Laurie & Miles)

Project Runaways (Tom & Jen)

The Jenners (Kelly & Taylor)

Zach and Cody (Jay & Mickey, the twins)

Step Brothers (Lorenzo & Chet)

Tenacious D (Rock & Spud)

So, this is how Justin Bieber was raised (Dwayne & Dwayne Jr.)

Marilyn Manson (Crimson & Ennui)

Brody Smith (Brody)

Rihanna and Chris Brown…umm wrong reference (Ryan & Stephanie)

Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big (Carrie & Devin)

M2M (Emma & Kitty)

Dyke & Fats (MacArthur & Sanders)

Stranz and Fairchild (Jacques & Josee)

Don Pardo (Don)

And these injuries that will raise a lot of lawsuits

 _Canada's Got Tournament_

Man, the only TV show right now that they have to rip-off is _Celebrity Apprentice_. (Cue Donald Trump clips.)


End file.
